Monday, March 19, 2012

How to Seduce a Wineaux

In the not-too-distant-past, a conversation ensued between this dear man I was dating and I. While walking through the wine store picking out everyday wines to enjoy together we came across the 'Other Whites' section, when he turned to me and said, “Oh, I love Vagner.” I stopped short in my tracks and thought hard, painfully racking my tired brain. Is he referring to a specific producer? Are we still talking about wine here or did we move on to music? What does he know that I don’t? I casually sauntered over to where he was standing and began to scan the bottles, trying to identify what he could possibly be referring to without looking like a complete moron. As I perused the various labels, the proverbial light bulb went off over my head. With a sly smile, I looked at him and asked, “Do you mean Viognier?” (pronounced Vee-on-YAY!) I quietly chuckled under my breath, both not wanting to embarrass him, and not wanting to look like an obnoxious wine snob (i.e. a total ass), but was completely enamored, finding his naiveté endearing if not adorable. Secretly, I began composing the blog “What NOT to Say to Woo a Wine Lover” in my head, which in turn inspired the following post, “How to Seduce a Wineaux.”

1.     The way you look at me is making me turn as red as that glass of wine, please don’t stop.
2.     You’re eyes are as sparkling as this glass of Champagne.
3.     I’d abstain from wine for month for just one night with you.
4.     I promise, I’ll last longer than a bottle of the finest Bordeaux.
5.     You’re so cute, I could just bottle you and drink you up.
6.     You’re spicier than Syrah.
7.     You’re so hot, you could make my wine mull with just one look.
8.     You’re about as intoxicating as fortified wine.
9.     This date is going so well, how about we drop everything and open a winery together. I’ve got the money, you’ve got the ideas and the connections, and we both have great taste in wine.
10. I’m local, organic and biodynamic – wanna taste?
11. Tell me you like GSMs? Let’s head back to my place and I’ll show you my version.
12. How about I make you breakfast and serve you a Champagne cocktail tomorrow morning in bed?
13. If I poured you a glass, I’d use my good stemware.
14. I’m new in town, where’s the best place to taste some really good local wine?
15. Do you like books? I heard Been Doon So Long is the perfect bedtime story.
16. I studied in France and worked harvest in Italy, I’ve learned some of the secrets to making great wine and I’d love to share them with you.
17. I’ve a bottle of Domaine Romanée Conti with your name all over it.
18. If you were a dessert, I’d drizzle Port and chocolate all over you.
19. “You and I”  sounds like the name of the next great wine. Are you game?
20. What are you doing this Fall? Cause I would love to make you part of this season’s harvest.
21. I’m something of a garagista. I’ve been working on this Syrah, come barrel taste it and tell me what you think?
22. You need a wine tasting partner? Cause I ‘m something of a wine geek.
23. People say I’m a barrel of fun.
24. This wine is good, but I know just the food pairing that would take it to a whole nother level.
25. If I was going to name a bottle of wine, I’d name it after you.
26. I was sent a bunch of bottles of ultra-expensive California Cabernets to review and I could sure use another palate! Want to come back to my place and help?
27. I bet you drink lots of wine because the antioxidents are obviously doing your body really good.
28. Weather like this makes me just want to sit around a fire and drink wine all day.
29. I make a great steak dinner and have the perfect bottle set aside for just this occasion.
30. Let’s run away to New Zealand together. We can work harvest, travel the countryside and then stop in Figi on the way home to recharge. Tell me you’re in.
31. Like a fine bottle of wine, I’d like nothing more than to lay you sideways.
32. Would you like to do some wine tasting? I’ll taste you first.
33. I love to make good wine. I bet I can make you whine good too.
34. I think I must have drank too much wine, because when you walked in, the room started to spin.
35. The best way to taste this wine is from my lips.
36. If I tasted you, I’d roll you around with my tongue for hours.
37. Wow! I thought my wine had nice legs!

When writing this post, I was originally hoping for the Top 50 best pick-up lines. Maybe you can help me write the rest? Woo me with your favorite pick-up lines for scoring with a wine lover in the comments section below. Come on, let’s have some fun!


  1. Had a nice Viognier for my b-day dinner this past weekend - Cristom 2009 Estate. Went beautifully with the seared scallops and crab risotto. Spicy, lemony, honey, smooth with a floral finish - played well with the richness of the food. Don't love it as much as the David Hill 2009 Estate Riesling (which is $10 less/bottle!), but I suppose that is apples & oranges...though maybe not, because it would have been fabulous with that meal. ;o)

  2. Jil-Ohhh! Happy Birthday darling!! I had no idea! Cristom Viognier is actually one of my favorites!! And though the David Hill Riesling is quite good and would have paired nicely with your scrumptious sounding meal, don't fret over the $10/bottle, it's a birthday celebration after all and fun to explore something different. As for apples and oranges, perhaps you mean apples and apricots :)

  3. #38 - This is a really thin Pinot - good thing I've never been accused of the same thing.

  4. #39 - If I were to name a wine after you, I'd call you mine...

  5. #40 - "This wine will make your toes curl! Oh wait... that's me."

  6. Josh, hilarious, but I might be a little bit scared!! No offense, but this pick-up line might actually fall better under the category "What NOT to Say to Woo a Wine Lover"

    Anonymous - You are quite the romantic or just very good at pick up lines. Maybe we'll meet in person one day soon and you can try one or two out on me!! #MakeMeSwoon

  7. #41 - The only thing I'd pair this wine with is YOU.

  8. Anonymouse - starting to feel like I have secret admirer!! Come on, show yourself!!

  9. Will you take me home? I shouldn't drive because your beauty is too intoxicating.

  10. This wine is from Kenya. Kenya see us drinking it together?

    1. Super cheesy, but funny kind of cheese. Like headcheese. :)

  11. Silky is what comes to mind when sipping with you!

    1. Awwwww. #44 - Leave it to the anonymous commenters to be the pick-up artists!

    2. See leather comment below...add some lace....yum!

  12. "If you hold the wine glass up to the light, the clarity of how beautiful you are becomes quite apparent…"

  13. "Your lips taste like Pinot....mmmm... I can't wait to take you home an see what your body tastes like.

  14. Love the smell of leather and the musky aroma of us in a bottle....hmmmm

  15. #50
    Would you a-gris to a suggestion for your suite company via a cab to my place!? :-)